he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
