I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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