Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
soo... how was my night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
