they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
