It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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