dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
