Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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