When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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