yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
