i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
