I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
