after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
