He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
