Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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