Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
