when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This is not my ceiling
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
