Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
