If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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