I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
