I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
