She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
