She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
