I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
