I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
