Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
