Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
