i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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