Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
