a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
