I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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