Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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