I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
