I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
