toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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