just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
