all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
