New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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