So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
