woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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