Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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