How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
