Banned from zoo.
Again?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
