Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
