Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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