Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
