Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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