Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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