I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
