im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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