i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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