the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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