The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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