with your own penis?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
