I could make wine with my vomit
you would pick up someone in the library
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
