I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need a burrito and a hug.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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