Screwed.edu
You can't motorboat a personality
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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