i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
