he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
