the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
