i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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