I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
