if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
