I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
