He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
