I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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