remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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