Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
