PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
