12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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