i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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