My liver just broke up with me...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
