I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
