mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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