One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
