She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
