We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
