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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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