I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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