You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
