grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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